Tips to Stay Sane
“Like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel,
Never ending or beginning on an ever spinning reel,
As the images unwind, like the circles that you find,
In the windmills of your mind!”
This song sums up perfectly for me the whirling twists and turns of our mind. We move in cycles through life, full of beginnings and endings and around we go. How many times have you woken up in the early hours and every single unresolved thing that happened to you during your day is right there wide awake waiting to remind you that you failed at that thing, you really don’t like that person, you wish you had never agreed to that, if only you had said that differently. Compound this mental terror with years of unresolved issues and perhaps an unhelpful measure of self-recrimination and so it goes on and on. It is no surprise we can’t peacefully roll over and fall back to sleep.
Consider this, you are immediately having physiological and biochemical changes in your body. Thoughts are things and all that. Then the adrenaline kicks in (assuming you have any left), the body prepares to fight and your focus is narrowed to that one unforgiving voice in your head.
Similarly, throughout our day we find our head full of thoughts that are no longer prioritised by importance but urgency. With this comes further judgement. Dwelling on the past, anxious about the future further serve to deplete our entire energy system and entangle us in the toxic past/future depression/anxiety cycle.
This behaviour doesn’t have to be unhealthy or chronic, it just needs to be identified and brought in to awareness. Then begins the journey of exploration. The demands on individuals in this current anxiety provoking time; will I have work tomorrow? how can we afford to live? how are my children coping with all these new normals, these fears allow little time for reflection or real awareness of our habits and behaviours. We are all doing whatever it takes to get through the day.
Let's pull back for a second and ask ourselves; What do we really have sovereign over? What is under our control? What creates these thoughts and emotions within us and how can we bring them into the light and learn from them? Forget the rest, it’s really not your business. Through the intimate process of getting to know ourselves again, like a new friend or lover, by being curious and generous with ourselves that is how we find our way back to self. If we can get our internal life under control surely then we are in a better place to be in relationship with our loved ones, our friends, our community and this beautiful planet.
5 tips to reclaim your sanity:
You can’t change your situation with the same mind that created it.
You must shift your state. Get up, get a drink, breathe, do some push ups or a few moments of yoga or walking. Humans are a magnificently complex network of organising centres, chemicals, proteins, neurons, blood, fluids, organs, tissues. We have 80 trillion cells, a spectacularly sophisticated brain and potential we can’t begin to imagine.
Did you know we have things called Telomeres at the ends of our DNA strands (like the plastic on the end of a shoestring)? Every time you have that thought that creates that emotion, it sets off a chain of a chemical reactions within your body that ends up in your cells and ultimately affects the health of your Telomeres. So yes your cells know exactly what you're thinking! Research shows promising affects of Meditation on cellular aging and brain health.
Never let your inner child/critic have a monologue - challenge it!
Never to allow your inner critic or child to “grab the mike”. True we need this part of our personality to keep us from rushing into unadvised and unsafe or uncertain circumstances. Yet remember these thoughts are from one perspective, our perspective. What do any of us know about the reality of a situation? We only know our own reality.
Therefore, on that basis, one might deduce that already our decision making model is flawed at best and dangerous at worst. Our schemas/biases are also at play, add to this the tone and volume we allow the tyrant to speak to us. I urge you at that moment of fear, intimidation, cruelty stop listen and then challenge that voice. Call forth your inner archetypes. Question what is the motivation behind the protector/child. Pause then respond.
Behave like you are your own best friend
Think about all the great qualities you have as a friend. If you want real feedback ask your friends they will be a lot kinder to you than you ever will. Feel your heart enlarge as you think of words like loyal, caring and protective. It is natural to embody these higher emotions with much less resistance. Remember times when you were there for that friend, the life stories you have shared, holidays and adventures. How wonderful to think back on such things just because you can.
Now make a list of all your qualities, why people love you as a friend. Make it a list you are proud of. Make it mean something. Dwell on it, ponder, pause. Then next time you need it when you feel less than, grab this list. Be your own loyal champion. Let the thoughts come, don’t allow them to crush you. Keep this by your bed or at your desk. These are things to be so very proud of. If you believe you are a good friend you will find this exercise much easier to do for yourself.
Remember we are all flawed, fabulously flawed.
Every great hero or heroine is flawed. Why? They are written that way so we can relate to them of course. One of the tenets to writing an effective story is show don’t tell. The reader/watcher doesn’t want to be told what is happening, they want to feel and they want to be moved.
In all of us there is a delicate balance that plays out over the course of our lives, that battle between good vs evil, masculine vs feminine, passion vs friction, failure vs success, internal vs external. It begins with a challenge, the character must dig deep, have something worth losing, nearly lose it and then be changed in some way for the better. We are no different. You will never have great achievements and great failures if you are too busy being perfect. You’re allowed to be flawed; it’s in the script.
Joseph Campbell's work on the Hero's Journey is a story as old as time itself. It examines the how we answer the call to adventure and explains the human struggle. It is a process common to us all, our whole life. It is healthy to be flawed, fabulously healthy.
Expectation Nation
Start by lowering your expectations for yourself. Get real. Don’t overthink just lower your expectation. How many expectations do you have of yourself right now that are actually reasonable or achievable? Build in a margin for error on everything you do. This may sound counter-intuitive and maybe you will never need it, but sure as anything, if you are being honest with yourself you will fail and fail often. Allowing yourself compassion makes it a lot easier to forgive yourself. Get over it, that’s life, you’re not perfect. It is more important to be honest with yourself than pretend for someone else. On a personal note I have noticed that failing makes you braver.
I leave you with this . . . every time you acknowledge your flaws, anxieties, fears you begin to know yourself a little more intimately. You can bring this “stuff” into the light. Take it out, dust it off. See if it still fits. What are you avoiding? What are you scared of? Where are you being dishonest with yourself? Are you attached to feelings and emotions because they are real or are they just slipping by your awareness? Do a stocktake on thoughts and beliefs. Remove the road blocks. Sleep better, live better.
Only you know what is real for you. This world is so noisy we have stopped listening to ourselves and each other. Wouldn’t you do it for your friend?